So What About Sleepovers?

There's a recent popular choice right now amongst parents, where they are deciding not to allow their children to sleepover at their friend's homes. The fear is that you never really know who you are leaving your kids with. You're not sure if not only the other guardians can be trusted, but perhaps siblings in the home or other family as well.

While we understand how scary it is to entrust others with your children, we have to wonder if avoiding situations solely based on fear is a healthy and productive message to be sending to your children?

We understand the fear. How do you really know who you're leaving your kids with? Well, the answer is, you don't.

You never know who your kids are with or who they come into contact with. That goes for school, out in public and their social circle. The world can be an unpredictable place and often fear can get in the way for parents, especially when they themselves are constantly bombarded with fear-based messages from the media, friends and even their own childhood experiences.

As scary as it may be, we also must keep in mind some of our positive experiences at sleepovers and friends houses as a kid and teenager. Likely some of your fondest memories were spent over at friend's homes. Do we really want to rob our kids of these experiences? Out of our own fear?

So what do you do?

You teach your children.

You teach them once, twice, three times over and you use your best judgement. You don't send your child over to a place that you don't believe is safe. You're not going to encourage friendships that you feel will put your child in danger. However, it's a very healthy part of growning up to visit friends at their homes and yes, even have sleepovers.

So what do you teach them?

You teach them safe practices and you wait and make sure your kids are old enough and mature enough to report back to you clearly how things went. You don't need to send a 5 year old to a sleepover if you're not comfortable. You want your child to be their own safe space, so they can identify and communicate if anything felt "off" or uncomfortable to you. You teach them that when someone says not to tell your parents or scares them into not wanting to do so, that those are huge red flags and telling your parents is safe for them to do.

If anything is ever said to you as a parent that is upsetting, please remember to regulate yourself. Regulate your own emotions first. Your child NEEDS to feel comfortable and safe telling you things. It's probably one of the most important things you need to make sure of as a parent. If you cannot control your own emotions in the moments and "fly off the handle" all the time, they aren't likely coming to you to have difficult conversations.

Just remember, the world is filled with many joyous pleasures and yes, dangers too. Teaching your children to live in fear will never end well. Instead, arm your children with good sense and ways to get out of uncomfortable situations (they can call home, fake sick if they are uncomfortable etc), and most importantly, always, always have free open communication with your kids and do everything you can to make sure they feel comfortable talking to you about everything.